A shoutout

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Manoah2u
Manoah2u
399
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:07 pm

A shoutout

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Hey guys, i've been quite silent lately here and that has a reason.

Unfortunately, after falling from a ladder from about 4 m high whilst painting,
my father of 63 years old has hit a solid object with his head in his fall and is in coma ever since.

he was transferred by trauma helicopter to a hospital immediately.

Doctors gave the worst news i could imagine hearing, which i already feared of hearing:
my dad has the same condition as Jules Bianchi:

Severe Diffuse Axonal Brain Injury. :cry:

It's in the 4th week now. Amazingly he actually has regained moments and flashes of conciousness.
However, I fully understand the struggle and hurt sitations like this cause upon the person themselve as do to family and friends. All these news articles in past of Schumacher and Bianchi flash before my eyes and I see it happening the same.

After 3 weeks of being in deep coma without any response, my father opened his right eye for a brief moment. Afterwards it did not occur again untill this week. He now also moves his head, moves his hand and arm and leg. Tries to grab stuff.
They put him in a chair 2 times a day aswell. As positive as that may be, it is still very depressing still.

That is because even if there are small signs of improvement, which to a laymen and family might look like wonders and huge leaps in progress, clinically, the story is very different.

First of all, my father was/is a intelligent man that was fully healthy and fully able, not to mention a proud human being.
His accident resulted in severe brain trauma, in other words, permanent brain damage. That means any road to recovery is long and never fully. He might regain basic motoric and cognitive functions over time, hard work and therapy.
The man can never be the same again, and doctors say he'll never even be the same person again.

In these kinds of brain injury, the axons are damaged. It is explained as if axons are highways or roads leading to several islands where neurons are the ports to these islands. In a Diffuse Axonal Injury, the axons are damaged or even completely teared; thus, the road/highway is destroyed. That means, that cognitive functions and motoric functions stored and accesible in these spots are no longer reachable. Other parts of the brain now must find a way to take over these functions.
The information stored before is now inaccesible. For example preference of music; that 'road' (axon) now is inaccesable. The person thus suddenly lost his memory or preference for a certain artist, song, or even complete type of music.
This goes for daily processes too; a person normally first brushing their teeth taking a shower then going to the toilet and having breakfast might suddenly do this in a completely different order.
Somebody might suddenly stop from singing or whistling during the day or vise versa, suddenly start this.

Though all these things are in a way still positive because the person is alive, there is a significant point to which this situation is very difficult.

Despite all his progress, the neurologic doctor (sorry, english is not my first language) stated when i asked him bluntly and to be fully honest, on a scale of 1-10, whilst 10 being the best number, and a 1 the lowest number, which kind of grade he'd give my father now and a couple of weeks ago, he stated 2 weeks ago he gave him a 1-, and now a 1+, and they're very pessimistic because he is not responding the way he should and he should be in the reach of a solid 6 by now.

Not just that, but whilst me and my sister were at the hospital 2 days ago with my father when he had a brief moment of awareness and awakeness, responding to us by holding hand and pinching, following you with his eyes and head, and nodding whilst asking if he is aware of us - meaning, able to communicate, my father stated while we told him to keep fighting and pushing, by moving his head left to right in disagreement, that he does not want to. We asked him if he doesn't want to continue and he nodded his head in agreement. My sister asked 'but don't you want to live anymore and get better?' and he shaked his head in disagreement. Nurses around at that moment noticed the same.

All of this is very depressing - not even mentioning that at his moment i have lost my job due to restructuring and economic reorginisation where i was working - and makes me understand the severe struggle for the Bianchi family and the Schumacher family.

All i can hope for now is that my father actually improves soon and regain basic motoric and cognitive functions. It's eerily how similar it is to Schumacher and Bianchi.

He fell from 4meters high and he had no damage to any other part of his body, meaning, his head took the full blow.

I share this as a shoutout to relieve some 'pressure' and advise:
work safe, be safe, think of your head and think about your family.
Dumpster sounds so much more classy. It's the diamond of the cesspools.

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Andres125sx
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Joined: Tue Aug 13, 2013 9:15 am
Location: Madrid, Spain

Re: A shoutout

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Sometimes live sucks, be strong, there´s no relief for that sort of situation, just keep strong


I´m living a similar situation with my grandma, not the same as she´s 92 and not caused by an accident, but by alzheimer, but watching someone you love with brain problems is too hard. I always repeat to myself it would be great if all of us live a life that long with so many people loving you, but that´s not of any relief when you watch her. Only 5 years ago, with 87, she was more active than myself, she wrote drama and even directed one (amateur level), she drawed, sculpted... she was by far the most active grandma I´ve ever known. Seeing her now on a wheelchair because she can´t even control her legs, but still with enough consciousness to know who is she and what is her condition... Hearing her she want to die is too hard. Live is not fair. As my mother say, alzheimer is an inhuman illness, it takes away any dignity.


There´s no relief for this situations, you can only be strong and take it as it comes.


Be strong mate.

MadMatt
MadMatt
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Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2011 3:04 pm

Re: A shoutout

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I feel for you Manoah, it must be a terrible situation. The fact that your father is responding, recognize you, is aware, is encouraging. But his decision to end his situation must be infinitely hard for him first, but also for you, his family.

Is he in pain hence why he wants to go somewhere else, or is it just the situation in which he is at the moment? Were you able to ask him such questions? Sorry for asking, but I would like to help the little bit I can by having an external eye to this.

Again, I feel sorry for your family, I hope the situation will get better and that your father will find strength and motivation in staying with you. Being alive and conscious is something precious, hell you only get one shot at it, I am sure even if he remains on a bed that he will find ways to stay positive. Although I can understand that at 63 he has most of his (good) life behind.

Anyway, keep us updated if you wish, and good luck :)

ChrisF1
ChrisF1
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Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2013 8:48 pm

Re: A shoutout

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Manoah, I have great compassion for you and your family. I hope you get some positive news soon.

A different situation, but I had severe brain trauma after a haemorrhage and the doctors did not think I would last the first night, and certainly held no hope of a full recovery. Here I am though, posting away (though some may say I must have a screw loose with some of my posts!) and you must never give up hope, because amazing things can happen in life.

Stay strong.

Manoah2u
Manoah2u
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Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:07 pm

Re: A shoutout

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MadMatt wrote:
Is he in pain hence why he wants to go somewhere else, or is it just the situation in which he is at the moment? Were you able to ask him such questions? Sorry for asking, but I would like to help the little bit I can by having an external eye to this.

Again, I feel sorry for your family, I hope the situation will get better and that your father will find strength and motivation in staying with you. Being alive and conscious is something precious, hell you only get one shot at it, I am sure even if he remains on a bed that he will find ways to stay positive. Although I can understand that at 63 he has most of his (good) life behind.
he is not able to clearly indicate whether he is in pain. perhaps he is, perhaps he isn't. knowing my father - a stubbornly proud (though not in a arrogantic sense) man - he is in the last position he'd ever like himself to be. Offcourse, nobody would want to but to put it in perspective; there are people that are real fighters and positive, and when something bad happens, they just accept and deal with it and make the best out of it.
That's not my father's character. Not that he is 'weak' in that sense, but knowing him, he finds a life like this useless, and thus himself useless, and thus he sees no point in being alive. That's first of all how my father's self-engineering works.

It is clear that he has awareness for quite some time. Actually, a week or 1,5 ago i've asked him clearly to try and open his right eye if he can hear and understand me. it took him effort, but he really did. not just once, but twice, triple time even. same for his right index finger. the doctors waved it away as a potential autonomic reply on external triggers where family usually has a higher impact compared to nurses/doctors. I now am fully sure he actually did hear and understand me but lacked motoric skills and energy to clearly respond.
Though i understand he fades in and out of coma thus he is offcourse not aware all the while, it is significant to realise he's in a form of conciousness for quite a while now.

Also, something cruel but neccesarily, doctors give him multiple pain-tests during the day. they test his abilities by inflicting pain (like pinching really hard in the nail and poking at a sensitive point). I could imagine this daily struggle annoying and woresome. They put him 3 times a day in a chair to improve muscles and ignite senses. Not a fun thing, getting hanged in some device on the cieling and put in a chair.

Again, i know my father and he's somebody that wants to do everything himself and zero help from others. Imagine him knowing he gets washed daily by nurses including men. All along having hoses up the rear and front, through the nose (feeder) and a respirtory trachictomy through the throat, whilst having liquids fed through the leg (hands respond infectious), devices around you and having a lung infection at the same time.

and at the meantime, being completely unable to even move your hand further then your chest uncontrollably and not able to think properly, reply properly, speak, nor use a computer, control tv, or anything at all.

I can imagine all that going through his mind and knowing you're not going to get well soon because people visiting you is not giving you an image that you;ll be fine in a week or so.

I'm not the one to give up hope though, i never were and never am. I have just been fired from my job whilst getting married next week but i'm still positive in all though. The only thing is, i can't be positive for somebody else.

And i have no idea how to convince somebody other then to advise them to continue and fight that they must keep going whilst they rather be out.

anyway, thanks guys. appreciate it.
Dumpster sounds so much more classy. It's the diamond of the cesspools.

MadMatt
MadMatt
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Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2011 3:04 pm

Re: A shoutout

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Thank you Manoah for your message. Again, I send you my positive vibes, as well as to your father. It is indeed difficult.

The thing is, your father is sometimes (you say he falls in and out of coma which is really not good to me but I guess doctors know better) aware of what is happening, and I think this is nevertheless a good sign. I mean, time people are just sitting in their bed with a machine helping them to breath. I understand your father is a fighter and a positive person by nature but has he seen all in life? Has he done everything he wanted? Have his goals being achieved? I doubt so.

The person that you describe wants to move things forward, and all life long. So I think there is a reason to fight. That one day, soon hopefully, he will be able to be awake and aware all the time and with the help of a machine (maybe), communicate with the "outside" world, accomplish things that he wouldn't had time to do if he was still working.

Sometimes I wish I had no job so I could concentrate on my own projects. Your father will hopefully be soon in such situation that he doesn't has to care about working to eat, and that he will be able to do something useful to him and to society.

That's all I hope for, for him, for you, and your family. :)

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ME4ME
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Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2014 3:37 pm

Re: A shoutout

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I have no things to ask, add or tell. But after reading your story, I just want to wish you and your family all the best, and I feel sad for the situation you're in. Keep strong, and on a positive note, congratulations for getting married.

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bdr529
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Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 6:49 pm
Location: Canada

Re: A shoutout

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Very sorry to hear about your fathers accident Manoah
I can't imagine what your going though right now, with your father, work and a wedding on top of all that,
I'm sure it seems like your life has been turned upside down right now, and who could blame you
I hope things turn around for you soon and remember tomorrow is a new day

ChrisDanger
ChrisDanger
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Joined: Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:59 am

Re: A shoutout

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1 month is not long. From what I read about Diffuse Axonal Injury after Bianchi’s accident the severity can be quite varied, from mild cases where full recovery can be made, to more severe cases like Bianchi’s. Although the doctors have labelled it "severe" I very much doubt it's as bad as Bianchi's.

But I can draw from my own experience after suffering an incomplete spinal cord injury (C0 level, which was described as “practically brain stem"), where recovery was very slow. After a month you wouldn’t have thought there was any hope I’d ever move again. All I could do initially was blink, and had no control over any other muscles. After about a month though my girlfriend once held up my arm and asked me to move my finger. With some effort I was able to do so. She excitedly ran off to one of the neurosurgeons who also just shrugged it off as not a reasonable indication of anything significant. In his defense though, when he saw me move my thumb his face lit up like a kid getting a new bicycle at Christmas. The point though is that doctors are generally going to give you the worst case scenario, and shrug off minor signs as insignificant.

Your character appraisal of your father makes it seem like he’s a fighter. Although age is not on his side his attitude is his best asset. I had this knowledge that one day I was going to be okay, and didn’t ever play the victim, which I think helped considerably. Just make sure he knows that you’re there for him. Family is very important at a time like this.

Good luck, and stay positive. Just try not to worry about anything. It’s not that hard if you just try.

Manoah2u
Manoah2u
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Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:07 pm

Re: A shoutout

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ChrisDanger wrote:1 month is not long. From what I read about Diffuse Axonal Injury after Bianchi’s accident the severity can be quite varied, from mild cases where full recovery can be made, to more severe cases like Bianchi’s. Although the doctors have labelled it "severe" I very much doubt it's as bad as Bianchi's.

But I can draw from my own experience after suffering an incomplete spinal cord injury (C0 level, which was described as “practically brain stem"), where recovery was very slow. After a month you wouldn’t have thought there was any hope I’d ever move again. All I could do initially was blink, and had no control over any other muscles. After about a month though my girlfriend once held up my arm and asked me to move my finger. With some effort I was able to do so. She excitedly ran off to one of the neurosurgeons who also just shrugged it off as not a reasonable indication of anything significant. In his defense though, when he saw me move my thumb his face lit up like a kid getting a new bicycle at Christmas. The point though is that doctors are generally going to give you the worst case scenario, and shrug off minor signs as insignificant.

Your character appraisal of your father makes it seem like he’s a fighter. Although age is not on his side his attitude is his best asset. I had this knowledge that one day I was going to be okay, and didn’t ever play the victim, which I think helped considerably. Just make sure he knows that you’re there for him. Family is very important at a time like this.

Good luck, and stay positive. Just try not to worry about anything. It’s not that hard if you just try.
thanks man, really appreciate it. very uplifting and thanks for sharing your experience man, great to read such positives.
thanks guys, really needed this! :)
Dumpster sounds so much more classy. It's the diamond of the cesspools.

chuoiit12
chuoiit12
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Re: A shoutout

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, This is a great article. It gave me a lot of useful information. thank you very much.

Jolle
Jolle
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Location: Dordrecht

Re: A shoutout

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Oh man, that sucks big time. Luck and love to you, your family and especially your mother. The waiting and hoping must be draining your energy.

And good luck with your job.

Zynerji
Zynerji
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Re: A shoutout

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I'm sincerely sorry for your current situation in your family. While my personal injury of a Brachial Plexopathy is no where as severe, my doctor sent me a link to a possible complete fix. (98% success rate quoted in the article)

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.indepe ... html%3famp

Might be worth reaching out to OSU to see if there is any way to get into their testing with your father. If you do, I will withdraw my personal spot in line to move him closer to being "next"...

(PS: My doctor does 100% with this, so I have no real info beyond what he has sent to me.)

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strad
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Re: A shoutout

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Manoah
I don't know how I could have missed this thread .
Your story and others here show me that for all my conditions and problems they amount to nothing by comparison.
To you and all the others my sincerest best wishes and hope for the best of outcomes.
To achieve anything, you must be prepared to dabble on the boundary of disaster.”
Sir Stirling Moss

Manoah2u
Manoah2u
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Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:07 pm

Re: A shoutout

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interesting this thread came to life again 2 years and 9 months later since posting the original post.
Much respect then and still for the attention you guys gave. I still appreciate it a lot.

Touched too by your reply Zynerji,
especially by your amazingly heartly suggestion.
That won't be neccesary, but i will look into the matter.

I'll give an update now for the situation.

My father is living in a daycare center. He is in some sort of state of awareness, in the sense that he is not fully aware of everything around him nor is he capable to. he recieves medication that should enhance and improve his abilities but it has the unwanted side effect that it boosts certain emotional aspects of his well 'character'. Unfortunately, these emotions come out really strong and makes it well, impossible to properly care for him and is uncomfortable for himself aswell. So on top of that, he recieves other medication which sort of puts him in some state of 'drugged' mindset. It's actually the exact same medication people get that have had a psychosis to calm them down and 'castrate' suicidal thoughts (not that my father has any, or, honestlly, theres no way of knowing).

Anyway, it's not a comfortable life, let's put it like that. The permanant damage to his brains also maintains that his mind is quickly 'overloaded' and then he is not able to cognitively process information beyond what he has already had. For example, at any given moment during the day, he might feel a bit 'tired' (which is actually perfectly normal for his 'permanent wounds' if you may). Not tired in the sense exhausted and needing to sleep, but his mind processes any form of fatigue as 'tired' and that concludes into 'i need to go to bed to go to sleep'. And if that happens, nothing in his mind can enter anymore, he has to physically go to bed, get in bed, to get rid of that thought.

problem is, he won't leave bed anymore then and that has all sorts of additional side effects. meanwhile, he still from time to time thinks he is in the situation he was in when he was 16 or so after some moped accident, despite he also knows and understands he's 60 plus and i am his son.

visiting him, honestly, is not easy either as he knows i'm his son, he appreciates the visit, thanks for coming, but he wants to go to bed. or he wants a drink. above all, he wants to go home. but he can never go home, as he can not live solitary and nobody in our families is able to give the attention and care he needs. So that's pretty hard, also for him, especially since it goes like that every single time, because well he is also unable to fully process the information handed to him. still from time to time he switches completely between certain languages (german and english).

nevertheless, you could describe his situation as 'stable', with minimal, absolutely minimal, improvements. For example ,he has improved in asking for drinks if he's thirsty or hungry for something, and he more or less is able to enjoy that. though, i must also admit, that is partially due to also having learned to understand he is not able to demand anything and also he simply is not able to do things himself. but it is improvement in any case. he is also more sanitary by now, which is also very much an improvement, and a sign that the brain indeed is still able to learn 'new' things even though his short-term memory is really, really damaged (it's short term memory capabilities are physically damaged due to the damage to the brain).

personally i have come to a certain amount of acceptance, as the simple fact is, that this really is it and there won't be improvement. i don't hope or seek out any 'wonders' though offcourse it would be great if it does happen - some rare cases exist where the brain during its 'rewiring' process (which happens both naturally as well as through learning new things but that is nearly impossible in his case) somehow makes a connection to a 'lost road' and suddenly, you might say, system reboot and data previously thought lost is recovered, including all positive side effects.
it is not impossible, but chance that it ever happens is really in all reality as good as impossible.

which , then offcourse, in the case of Schumacher, if i have to compare, and i'm 99,9% sure that they are both in absolutely similar circumstances though offcourse Schumacher has (or atleast had) a vast amount of wealth behind him but in any case, it also shows, that money doesn't cover everything and can't buy you everything. Anyway, i thus expect Schumacher is in a very similar situation; more or less aware, also aware of his physical circumstances, also aware of his history, but not able to process things sufficiently. the only relief that Schumacher probably has is that he will be at home, and has loved ones close to him. Which still will be hard for those and himself surely too.

Especially because of this, i'm 100% understanding why silence is kept completely in regards to his situation. Also to protect his legacy, and surely too to protect him from any form of financial backing he might still recieves through sponsors or partnerships.

I'm sure though that if he would come to pass away, there will be a Michael Schumacher foundation in regards to this 'illness'. I guarantee it.

Side note; the cold hard truth too is that chances are he will grow 'naturally' old with this condition. Meaning, the condition does not shorten his lifespan and so, he might continue to live like this for what, 30, 40 years? which is possibly the hardest part of all. There are only 2 exceptions to this; A - stone cold hard nature itself, 'pulling any plug' in the sense of just leaving him be which would see him starve to death. which is inhuman and criminal imho. or B- which actually does make a lingering danger is through a bloodclot which has been lingering since the accident. Think about Maria de Villota for example.

There are, guaranteed, bloodclots, as tiny as they may, left in Schumacher's brain, just as there are in my father's brains. at any given moment, these may simply 'detach' and if that happens, they could clog the artery in the heart and cause heart failure. it is something that can happen today, tomorrow, or never at all.
personally i can say though, if it happens - it would end any suffering the person may or may not have and would end it's 'inhuman' situation.

That being said - instinct for survival and actual survival / experiencing life, is a power or state of mind that surpasses so many things and levels that one can never really know what the person is either feeling, and in what state of acceptance a person can be.

anyway, that's about all i can say (it's a lot i know). Unfortunately, it's not good news. It is what it is. nothing more, nothing less.
Dumpster sounds so much more classy. It's the diamond of the cesspools.