Worth a read anyhow 
By Tony Dodgins autosport.com columnist
"On the eve of the British Grand Prix we can exclusively reveal that the much-missed Yes, Prime Minister (the first programme to win the Bafta Best Comedy Series three years in succession), is returning to our screens. And rather than the tedium of everyday life, it is to have F1 as its theme.
The late Nigel Hawthorne (Sir Humphrey Appleby) and Paul Eddington (Jim Hacker) are sadly no longer with us and there can be no continuity of casting. Possible alternatives are said to include the current FIA president Max Mosley who, fittingly enough, has been nominated for the role of PM, assisted by FIA cohort Richard Woods in the role of Sir Humphrey Appleby, the senior civil servant.
A much heavier-hitting role is being prepared for the original Bernard (Derek Fowlds).
Much of the programme's humour was based around the hapless Hacker being intellectually inferior to the scheming Sir Humphrey. We hear that Mosley is currently struggling with the dumbing down process but, keen on acting if ever the lure of politics waned, he is giving it a go.
Excitingly, autosport.com has come by the script for the first episode, concerning the election of a new F1 Commission. And here it is:
Jim Hacker, Prime Minister: "The peasants are revolting."
Sir Humphrey Appleby, senior civil servant: "Yes, yes, I quite agree..."
JH: "No, Humphrey. I mean they're causing a fuss again."
Sir H: "Oh, really? What now?
JH: "Engines and other such terribly tedious matters. They want to do what they want and not what we tell them."
Sir H: "Well we can't have that."
JH: "Indeed not. But how to stop them?"
Sir H: "I have a plan, prime minister."
JH: "You do? I'm all ears, Sir Humphrey."
Sir H: "Well, we have a clean sheet of paper in 2008, do we not?"
JH: "Yes..."
Sir H: "And the root of our problem is the blessed F1 Commission where they all pontificate to their heart's content, disagree with us and achieve nothing. We waste hours. Days. Months!"
JH: "Yes, I quite agree. I'd much rather be sipping a G&T, reading a good book and enjoying the quality of light in the south of France. I do get awfully fed up with Heathrow Terminal 4..."
Sir H: "Well, what if we only invite the ones that we want - the ones who will do what we say?"
JH: "What an excellent idea, Sir Humphrey. But how?"
Sir H: "Well, first of all, we get rid of the trouble-makers and any of their sponsor friends. We introduce a simple majority vote and we have an odd number, such as 13. And then we make sure that there will always be seven of us. It's very simple, prime minister.
JH: "But why 13, Sir Humphrey?"
Sir H: "It just has a nice ring to it. Unlucky for some, you see, prime minister..."
JH: "Yes, I think I'm beginning to see!"
Sir H: "To make it manageable I propose that we allow only half, so six of the Great Unwashed onto the new Commission."
JH: "But how do we manage to exclude the Grey-Suited One? He is, after all, a Commander of the British Empire. And that reminds me, we really must have a word with Bernard. He has made a frightful monster out of this. I much preferred it when they were all grubby garagistes 25 years ago. Knights of the realm and Commanders indeed... Half of them didn't even go to proper schools!
Sir H: "By Gad, prime minister, you've cracked it! You really are quite brilliant!"
JH: "I have? I am?"
Sir H: "Yes! That's it! Frank is a Knight of the realm and the Grey-Suited One is only a Commander so, if we allow only one representative from each country, we can do it by rank and leave out the Grey-Suited One!"
JH: "What an excellent plan. And how very funny!"
Sir H: "Yes, I think it will work."
JH: "But where will it leave us?"
Sir H: "Well we'll have Ferrari from Italy and I think it's safe to say that they will be on-side, Sir Frank for the UK, BMW Sauber from Germany...
JH: "But how will that go down?"
Sir H: "Well obviously Mercedes is tainted by the association with the Grey-Suited One and they did only come back in 1995 whereas that rather nice, placid, cigar-smoking Swiss chap was here three years before..."
JH: "True. But it's not him anymore. What about this Mike Tyson fellow?"
Sir H: "Too busy empire-building to cause us any trouble."
JH: "And what about the Japanese?"
Sir H: "Ah yes. Toyota. That was worrying me almost as much as the Grey-Suited One. Much better image than they used to have, haven't quite managed to bring their much-admired efficiency to bear just yet, but clearly they could. And they are obviously pretty well-heeled, prime minister. They are starting to flex a few muscles behind the scenes too. And some of the other Unwashed do seem to listen. Potentially dangerous."
JH: "So we adopt the same one-only tactic and make Honda the Japanese representative, based on seniority..."
Sir H: "Indeed we do Prime Minister!"
JH: "Will they be any more, er, acquiescent?"
Sir H: "Well I do think they were somewhat chastened by that little episode last year. I think if we just quietly whisper the words 'fuel' and 'tank' we'll be fine.
JH: "What about the French?"
Sir H: "Well, they own a country which we have always judged to be much too good for them, prime minister. But we can't take it off them!"
JH: "No, no, I mean on the Commission."
Sir H: "Of course. Well, Renault, obviously. And that Briatore chap, who obviously isn't French at all."
JH: "No, but I'm sure we can leave him to Bernard..."
Sir H: "Which leaves us with one space. Which is regrettable because the Grey-Suited One will come up with an argument, no doubt long-winded but persuasive, as to why the UK should have a second representative.
JH: "So why don't we have an Austrian?"
Sir H: "A what?"
JH: "An Austrian. You know, that drinks fellow Bernard introduced us to. A trifle nouveau riche perhaps, but with an awful lot of disposable that did get us out of a hole. Not to mention a bevy of rather interesting fillies.
Sir H: "I don't believe he has a licence as yet, prime minister."
JH: "Humphrey, I'm surprised that a man of your experience could be so naive..."
Sir H: "Yes, yes, prime minister. Not a problem of course. Silly of me..."
JH: "What else do we know about him."
Sir H: "Not too much but Bernard obviously trusts him. He does seem to be expanding awfully quickly though and obviously there's a bit of previous with Austrians trying to take over the world..."
JH: "Ha, Ha, Humphrey! Very droll. We certainly couldn't support that!"
Sir H: "I'd say it's either Dietrich or the Grey-Suited One.
JH: "I think I'd rather have Adolf himself than the Grey-Suited One!"
Sir H: "Ha, ha! Don't joke, prime minister..."
JH: "I'm not."
Sir H: "Okay, so that's decided then. Now, turning to the matter of our side..."
JH: "Our side?"
Sir H: "Yes. Oh prime minister, with respect, please pay attention. There is a cricket match this evening and I'm rather keen to get this dealt with and make an early departure. The Unwashed have their six and we must now nominate our seven.
JH: "And you suggest no sponsors or suppliers linked to the Unwashed. So what are your thoughts?"
Sir H: "Circuit promoters only. We'll have five of them, yourself and Bernard on the Commission and, that way, no matter what the Unwashed come up with, we defeat them 7-6."
JH: "It can't be that simple."
Sir H: "It is."
JH: "But how do we ensure that the circuit promoters vote with us?"
Sir H: "Oh, prime minister...."
JH: "And which ones are you thinking of?"
Sir H: "Well, to give credence to the nationality theme, we need to have promoters from different countries to the Unwashed on the Commission. So, how about Australia, Brazil, Hungary, Monaco and Spain?
JH: "And what, er, leverage to we have over Ron Walker in Australia?"
Sir H: "Well, Bernard gets on with him rather well and we could always mention how much those chaps in the long robes enjoyed having the first race this year..."
JH: "And Brazil?"
Sir H: "Well, I think they are in our pay already, as it were. We are already stretching the bounds of credibility insisting on facilities like Shanghai at the same time as letting them away with Interlagos."
JH: "Yes, true. And Hungary?"
Sir H: "Well, Bernard did get rather cross with them for doing what isn't done and publicly talking about money some time ago. They have toed the line since."
JH: "Monaco?"
Sir H: "Old money, no problem. Nothing we can't sort out over a G&T at the Yacht Club. And we do already give them an awful lot of leeway with run-off...
JH: "Spain?"
Sir H: "Those chaps in Valencia seem awfully keen to have a race and with that Alonso amigo, Spain is suddenly quite lucrative. I don't anticipate any problems..."
JH: "Excellent Humphrey. You are a moral vacuum..."
Sir H: "Thank-you, prime minister."
JH: "Enjoy the cricket..."
Sir H: "I will!" "