Well, we have come to that happy time of the year when the brain of our typical Formula One poster reaches the stage we like to call "The Scoring System Total Blank Out".
There are times when a moderator must toot his own horn, and for me, the time has come. I have a new theory, that I first proposed in 1965, a theory that explains perfectly why Formula One Fans have to argue endlessly about the scoring system and come to this sorry state.
The problem is that Formula One fans suffer from an hideous genetic flaw, a special weakness -- The Formula One Genetic Scoring Blindness (FONGSB) -- This puts Formula One fans at a huge disadvantage when compared to regular persons.
Regular persons can, for example, floss their teeth, eat and have a perfectly normal sex life, while we, impaired by FONGSB cannot: we have to devote around seventeen months of each season to argue about the scoring system.
Bernie Ecclestone has proposed a simpler scoring system: he calls it, when among friends, the "He won" system. It's utterly complicated and borderly stupid. You know, the guy that wins more times, well... wins.
This absurd proposal has moved the soul of fans to levels never experienced before. Many of them have been seen outside Bernie's house, some holding their forks and torchs, some others waving their calculators and chanting in a friendly way: "We will take your bowels out and make festoons with them".
Mr. Ecclestone wise as he is, has refused to go out of his house for the last year, but who could blame him? Some people claims to actually have seen him at races, but, no, it's a robot he has sent to several venues, made by Honda, that appears to be Mr. Ecclestone but in reality is a small (very small) home appliance developed for that purpose. That's how absurd the proposal is.
However, I digress. Let's go back to FONGSB. Every year since I started to moderate this forum (when the number of posts were written in roman numerals and Tomba was a three years old baby, already proficient in Java) we reach the happy season of meddling with the scoring system. Is this time of the year: as soon as I see the Christmas tree in the living room, every time I see the Christmas candles alight and my kids in flames running happily around the yard, I know we have reached the merriest point of the year: the Scoring System Yule.
FIA, that is, the "Fedegation Integnationale du les Agsholes", a french name that means International Federation of the Anual Scoring System, proposes every year a new scoring system, that in the words of Ron Dennis and Luca Montezzezzzmolo, their vitalicious presidents and friendly dictators, "will be fairer, giving the championship to Lewis 'The Blacko Arrowo' Hamilton without any doubt" ('Blacko Arrowo' is a nickname that spanish fans have chosen for their most beloved driver, which is translated in French as "That Agshole").
I know that as soon as the teams start to actually build the cars they will race, all the fans will stop their vigil at Bernie's house and they will run hurriedly toward their computers to start arguing endlessly about the tiniest wing and detail that FIA has painfully regulated in a 620 inches thick, 3028 pounds volume we call affectionately "The Short Version or Racing Regulations".
So, I feel perfectly tranquil, completely sure that during this season the discusion about the scoring system will not extend beyond December 2010.
Considering that, and knowing perfectly that nobody read my posts (I've considered to write them in Serbo-Croat, nobody will notice), I propose here a NEW, FAIRER scoring system that all fans will immediately adopt as their own. I took it from "Phineas and Ferb" a program that my daughter claims is her favorite for reasons unknown.
1st Place: The number Pi
2nd Place: The figure of a duck
3rd Place: A Wii
4th Place: A paper form for competing in American Idol
From the Fifth place up to the last place (that is Sixth place: we all know that in Formula One there was only one race when more than 5 cars ended intact, and that was the 2005 US GP) I propose to arrange a piñata with the leftovers found after the race at McLaren race party table.
Then, for the sake of the spectacle, we could have everybody under the 4th position to stage a fight for them, right under the podium. You all know what a piñata is: that funny latino thing in the shape of a burro (spanish for burro) that brown kids whack with a baseball in movies, normally hitting Alan Sanders's bollocks.
As you can see, the difference between 3rd place and 28th place is exactly the same.
Now, pass the floss, my girlfriend is waiting me, and no, thanks, you don't have to start posting smart remarks about how to travel to Colombia, because you like what we're smoking down here...